Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Day 4 of the Apocalypse! Tim Marquitz, Author of the Demon Squad series (+INT Giveaway)



Apocalypse! posts around the blogosphere:
Rainy Day Ramblings: Imitations by Heather Hilderbrand
Love of Books: The Way We Fall by Megan Crewe

Those of you who have been with The Nocturnal Library from the start will likely remember Tim Marquitz and his very direct, often hilarious posts. Tim has been a friend of this blog from the very first day and I'd like to think I've helped him as much as he's helped me, although that's probably not true at all. When I started planning Apocalypse!, I knew I could count on him to share his thoughts with us. So without further ado:


    

Once Upon a Time


Once upon a time…boom! The end.

Is that what you want out of the Apocalypse? Well, too bad because that’s not how it’s gonna go down. There’ll be none of this ‘one day we’re here, the next we’re not’ crap. No, the end will be slow and painful and completely lacking in cool catch phrases.

And while I realize all the Walking Dead fans are praying for a zombie uprising so they can use their shiny new wrist-bayonets and get into Daryl’s quiver, that’s not how it’s gonna happen either. We’re not gonna meet our extinction by cannibal bikers or hordes of reanimated corpses or sociopathic warlords bent on caffeinated destruction. There won’t be some new order of super robots that kill us in our sleep or secret cabal that overtakes our political system overnight. Even more unfortunately, there won’t be any rabid undead weasels, mutant koalas, or even cute little E.T.s out for a drunken weekend probing.

No, it’s pretty much been established…we’re gonna die of dumb.

Sadly, we’re already infected. The sickness is all around us, a plague of murderous proportion squeezed into 140 characters. Just look at network television. The fact that Jersey Shore survived six seasons while the Dresden Files barely managed one is proof the Dumbocalypse is upon us. Come on: Justin Beiber, Paris Hilton, Amanda Bynes. Need I say more?

No. I’m sorry to say the days of wit and wisdom are already behind us, and we’re swirling down the drain like a tofu turd. Common sense has gone the way of Elvis and the Twinkie, and the odds of us escaping life without a serious case of Dumbentia are miniscule, at best. Intellect has struck a ‘berg and we’re slowly sinking to a soundtrack of Dubstep and Gangnam Style, rhythmic squeaks and squeals playing us out on the maiden voyage of Titanic Mother Earth.

De-evolution is the order of the day, the second coming of Neanderthalism. We’ll sit back and grunt at one another and wave our clubs about to signal our likes, sharing our dinners on cave walls and bathroom stalls like Yahoos on a binge. In the end, we’ll build a monument to the black box gods and bemoan the coming of the blue screen behemoth that stole our last thoughts with deviant porn and Google fu. Our only hope is that one of these asteroids hurtling by in space takes pity on us and changes course.

Or maybe there will be zombies. What the hell do I know?

Author bio:
Raised on a diet of Heavy Metal and bad intentions, Tim Marquitz has always been interested in writing, but it wasn't until about 1995 the urge became a compulsion. However, it would be many years later before the ability matched the interest. Fortunately, the two have reconciled...mostly.
Writing a mix of the dark perverse, the horrific, and the tragic, tinged with sarcasm and biting humor, he looks to leave a gaping wound in the minds of his readers like his inspirations: Clive Barker, Jim Butcher, and Stephen King.
A former grave digger, bouncer, and dedicated metalhead, Tim is a huge fan of Mixed Martial Arts, and fighting in general.
He lives in Texas with his beautiful wife and daughter.


Giveaway time!
Enter to win two of Tim's books (your choice) gifted from Amazon. The giveaway is international.

a Rafflecopter giveaway


29 comments:

  1. I completely agree with your ideas about how the world is going to end. We're going down in a spiral of almost good-intentions and not enough brains to keep good ideas afloat.

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  2. A very thought provoking post! :D

    Shah

    http://shahwharton.com

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  3. This reminds me if how I'm always thinking that I'm going to die one day, whether I like it or not.

    Lovely post, Maja! <33

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  4. Oh my gosh, that was hilarious and I loved it! Dying of dumb, sadly this sounds very realistic!!

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  5. Hahaha I think he might be right! I was at a family dinner the other night and my younger cousins could not hold a conversation to save their lives, all they could do was play on their iphones. They're in high school! It was like talking to a wall, and it's a scary thing to think they only way they can communicate is in 140 characters or through posts on Facebook. Conversation was lost on them:) I think the Dumbpocalypse is definitely upon us!

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  6. This is hilarious but I think most of what he'd said are right and realistic. Dumbpocalypse sounds more possible than zombie or any other apocalypse that could happen to us.

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  7. LOL! Yeah, I think I completely agree with the author. We are slowly seeing the "dumbening" of society everyday! Sadly, the accessibility to so much technology is to blame. Like Jenny above said, kids are no longer interested in books and other interesting stuff. This Facebook culture is just eroding the future generations.
    Why people would want a zombie apocalypse is beyond me! *shudders*
    Thanks for sharing this great guest post and giveaway, Maja! :)

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  8. Cool post. I haven't read any of Tim's books and look forward to doing so.
    Thanks :-)

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  9. Haha, this post is awesome! I mean I'm laughing, but it's also really frightening and sad because it's true. Personally I think an asteroid would be much cleaner than declining into another dark age gradually and painfully. Never thought I'd be rooting for an asteroid! Awesome post, thanks for sharing :-)

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  10. These look good. So many wonderful books so little time.

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  11. I enjoyed the reviews but I have never had the pleasure of reading one of these books. I would like to see thoughts on how the world will end but in reality know body knows and books on the subject are great for thoughs

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  12. Hilarious!! I do hope that all of us book lovers can keep the world from getting too dumb. We can share our ideas and use the power of speech to keep our brains alive. :)

    -Lauren

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  13. "we're gonna die of dumb" lol Loved this post so much! I also have to say that I love the covers shown above they are intense and in your face. I always like a cover that features a male over a female, and it's even better when it's a good looking one :-) Awesome post!

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  14. A very amusing cynical but based in truth of a glorious satire view of the end! Nice guest post and thanks for introducing me to a new author.

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  15. There is so much truth in this. I can't stand mainstream tv. The crap on MTV makes my skin crawl.. I would much rather spend my time reading a book than watching tv these days. I have been meaning to try this author for a long time now. I must get it done!

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  16. Seriously, I don't see the ones you mention as the ones that make me know we are going to die of dumb. The recent trials and especially the politicians are what convince me. Hey look! I can make crap up and then call it fact. Oh yea... we are already there. :P Yep, I guess this does speak to me. :)

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  17. The Dumbocalypse has a nice ring to it. And hey, Tim has me more than convinced now that dying of dumb is a real possibility. ;) Really great post! I love Marquitz's humour and really must try one of his books soon. Thanks for sharing, Maja!

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  18. LOL! Have you ever seen that movie "Idiocracy"? If not, look it up. I've had this discussion with fellow teachers at lunch and, sadly, we've come to the agreement that we're devolving, regressing into pure idiocracy.

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  19. lol- Dumbocalypse ... priceless. This post is all kinds of awesome, and the book sound great!

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  20. Oh yes, you hit the nail on the head with that one! We are definitely going down in a Dumbocalypse, especially if you pay any attention to celebrities (like you mentioned). And oh yes, why is it all the GOOD shows get cancelled?!

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  21. So true! The Dumbocalypse is more likely to occur than an actual apocalypse. When I read the entertainment section of the newspaper and see what some celebrities are up to, I can't help but shake my head at their antics.

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  22. This post provided such a great example of Tim's writing and he is indeed funny! My favorite phrase was tofu turd. Bwahahaha!

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  23. LOL...the post gives one a true idea of what to expect in his books. Truly hilarious.

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  24. Thanks, folks. Happy to know so many people agree with my semi-prophetic vision of the end. ;) Not much of a cool way to go out, but sadly realistic. Front row seats to this one might not be much of a treat.

    Thanks for having me, Maja. You have helped me WAY more than I could possibly ever help you. Love the blog.

    Thank you, everyone.

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  25. Great post and when/if it happens it ain't going to be pretty!

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  26. Man, I wish The Dresden Files had lasted longer than it did. Not only because there is so much potential there, but also because there are SO many UF series I would LOVE to see adapted into television series. Stupid people.

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  27. Haha. Have you seen the movie Idiocracy? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0387808/. It is just what you described. In the future, we don't get smarter, we get dumber. It's super funny. You'd definitely enjoy it.

    Thanks for another great giveaway!

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  28. Would love to read apocalyptic book that has funny parts. I'm sure it's going to be one heck of a ride!

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  29. Oh yeah!!! I did not know about this series. I'm so excited to find it!!! I'm loving the covers!! Nice! I am so looking forward to reading this series!! I'm crossing my fingers:))) Thank you again for another AWESOME giveaway!!!!

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